Middle of the Night

Last week I lay awake in bed, unable to sleep and thinking about the days and weeks that lay ahead of us as we begin new routines of school and activities.  I went over the day's events in my head and with each thought I grew more and more sad...

I had brushed Kate aside when she wanted me to pour her a glass of apple cider and asked her to get her own glass of ice water instead.

I had asked her to run Penny's laundry into the hamper so that I could feed Penny a bottle before we started school.

Trent had gotten an A+ on a spelling and math test today with little more than a "good job" because Penny was crying in my lap.

Kate had read aloud to me in the school room while I half-listened to her words and played Little People with Penny on the floor.

For lunch, Trent had offered to make his and Kate's sandwiches so that I could get Penny's lunch ready.

Penny wanted to be held while I gave Lucy an afternoon walk and I had told Kate we would have to hold hands to roller skate another day because I only had two hands this afternoon.

And with each memory that I relived from the day, I began to grieve the loss of some precious time with my sweet Kate and my adoring Trent.  I felt sad that I wasn't able to be fully "present" for them right now as we continue to pour love over our baby girl.

But I know that this is a season.  And as I sat and grieved that loss a bit, I just grew sentimental for the time that I have and will continue to spend with each of these kiddos.  Each day has its gifts.  And although this day I saw a lot of things that I could have done differently, I wasn't even sure I would have done them differently.  That's just where we're at right now.

So, I crept out of my bed down the cold hallway to Kate's room.   I pulled back her blankets and slipped in next to her under the covers and hugged her.  I stroked her hair.  I prayed for her.  I talked out loud and told her how special she is and I cried thankful tears.   I have a song that I have made up for each of the three kids that I sing to them at bedtime and I sang Kate's song to her as she slept:  "I love my baby girl.  I love my baby girl.  Mommy loves her sweet girl.  I love my baby girl."  I pulled her covers back up over her chin as I walked down the hall to snuggle with my baby boy.

Trent is sooo long that as I rubbed his back and snuggled with him while he slept, I could hardly believe this was the same little boy that ran around the yard as a toddler yelling "I love Thomas trains!" And I sang to him, "Nighty night.  And good night.  Go to sleep now my sweet one.  Rest your weary little head.  It is time to go to bed.  Day is done.  Play is done.  Nighty night my sweet son.  Day is done.  Play is done.  Nighty night honey bun."

So today I am thankful for time to snuggle with my kids and be grateful for this new adventure as a family.