We are in love

On Tuesday, October 29th my cell phone rang in the mid-afternoon, after the kids and I had finished school and while my parents were in town from California.  The caller-id showed up as our case worker from the adoption agency but we had been exchanging phone calls in the past few weeks about some paperwork and so I thought nothing of it.  I picked up right away.  She shared about a little boy that was 19 months old and had several medical issues.  He had been at the orphanage since he was 1 month old and she asked us to take a look at his medical file, speak with a adoption specializing pediatrician and then get back to her within the week.  

My heart fluttered because I didn't expect a referral this quickly but I was hesitant to feel real enthusiasm about the possibility that this could be our son because of the previous experience we had had.  I called Dustin and told him that the agency had called and wanted us to look at a boy's file.  Because he had several conditions, we wanted to be sure that we could give him all the help he would need so we agreed to not open the file until Dustin got home from work and we could sit down and talk through it together.

That evening, with the kids in the family room being entertained by Grandma and Grampa, Dustin and I opened an email that would change our lives forever.  Although we have been asked to not share his face for privacy and legal reasons, take my word for it when I say he is beautiful!!!

OH MY WORD!!  I seriously just couldn't even help myself falling in love with those beautiful eyes and pouty lips.  This is Jack!  My heart just knew it - but again, I tried my darndest not to get ahead of myself before we had talked with a doctor.  You see, one of the hardest part about adoption is the detail of "choice": The fact that we had a choice of whether he was ours or not, of whether we could provide for his needs (emotional, physical, spiritual, mental): all of these considerations are just so difficult to process.

We had a phone conference on Halloween afternoon, October 31st, 2013.  The pediatrician we spoke with had walked with us through Penny's first year home and we trusted his judgement explicitly.  Dustin was in his car on his commute home from work and I was sitting at the computer, frantically typing away to include every last word that the doctor shared.  Dustin and I had spoken the night before and decided that unless the doctor shared something that caused us concern, we would take this as part of the confirmation that this little guy was ours.  As we spoke with the doctor, he shared about Jack's conditions:  severe malnutrition, heart murmur, missing kidney, anal atresia… After hearing about what his care would look like long term, we were convinced - this is Jack.  This sweet boy is only a few months away from the chaos that awaits him in our home ;)  He is loved.  He is beautiful.  He is ours!

We told my parents and the kids on our way out the door to a Halloween party and it felt like a whirlwind.  I whispered the news to friends at the party but still I was a little hesitant because the referral was not finalized yet.  I didn't want the heartache of losing him.  But then I thought about it… who am I to be concerned with my heartache?  It is obviously no comparison to my son's heartache.  Adoption is strange that way.  There is so much beauty and love in the process and in creating a new family but with every adoption comes unrelenting heartache and loss.  It is inevitable.  And I pray that our love, although it cannot cover over the loss, can heal the wounds of Jack's heart and he can quickly begin to trust us.  

So here's the skinny:  We will travel to pick him up sometime in May or June.  We have more paperwork to wait on between now and then but we have been officially matched by the Chinese government as of November 14th!  

Now to get that bedroom ready for him and get ready for little boy business again!!